This is a fictional meeting I think would have happened behind the scenes at number 10 this week!
While he was watching his chief adviser addressing everyone in the gardens, Boris let his face drop into his hands. Finally, he knew exactly what everyone must stop them thinking when he was talking to the press. He knew better than that. He understood everything people standing behind the president of the United States must think every time he opened his mouth.
Boris walked away, unable to listen to the rambling excuses. Instead, he retreated into his office and refrained from turning on the television. He didn’t even dare check social media. Instead, he started reading a book, which is something he had not done in a very long time. He checked his watch and gave a loud sigh. So loud in fact that this fiancé stuck her head round the door to see if he was all right.
He really wasn’t, but he wasn’t about to share that with her. He smiled and waved her away as he pointed to the empty glass on his table. As if it would believe he was thirsty.
Finally, Dominic walked inside. “Well,” he said, “I think that went really well. Don’t you?”
The blonde just stared, unable to respond in words for a few moments. “Where you even listening to the same thing? Did you hear yourself?”
“I gave the reasons we had agreed on.”
“I never agreed for you to give that rubbish about driving to make sure your eyesight was okay! What kind of idiot would take to the road to work out whether they were safe to drive not? Apparently, your kind of idiot!” Boris smacked his palms on the table as he stood up. “What would you have advised me to do?”
Dominic Cummings looks likely uneasy as he put his weight from 1 foot to the other. “Lie.”
“Rule number one of being a politician. Lie in a convincing manner. What compelled you to go out there and tell the truth? Are you trying to get yourself sacked? Jesus, they will never let this go now. We will have to do something big for everyone to get people’s attention away. I am not even convinced it will work anymore.”
“I bet most people didn’t even see it. You are just overreacting.” To prove his point, Dominic reached for his phone and looked at Twitter. He went pale. “It is trending… I am trending and not pleasantly. Oh my God, I am finished.”
“We would do everything we can, but you need to know that damage control may not work. I can’t guarantee your safety.” Boris snatched up his glass and shuffled to the Cabinet to pour himself a stiff drink. “Why would you forget your own advice? All you needed to do was lie. This is such a mess!”
I wrote this in response to this week’s writing Wednesday.