Ninja writers Academy: The put me there assignment

The assignment this week was all about showing versus telling. This has never actually been my strong point and so high have just attached some of my work in progress and I am going to leave it to you to tell me if I have shown what is happening or just simply told and need to look at this again.

Feel free to be as critical as you like 🙂

Using her tears to her own advantage Alice decided to go and find Warren. His caravan door was open and so she just stepped inside. “You evil bastard!”
He looked up at her and pretended to be surprised by her words. “Dear me, Alice, whatever has happened?” As he spoke he walked towards her so that he could reach behind and close the door with a soft click. As soon as the door was shut the surprise melted from his face and was replaced by his customary smirk. “I see that Dave has spoken to you?” The collection on the last word implied that was a question rather than a statement.
Alice kicked her foot towards Warren but she completely missed when he easily stepped aside. Her eyes flashed as anger took hold of her. “Why would you do such a thing?”
“Didn’t he tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“That he overheard me asking you whether you had unleashed his memories. As far as I can see, I had no choice in the matter.”
“Are you kidding me?” Alice tried to kick him again about Warren easily avoided the attack. “Of course, you had a choice!”
“How would I have explained it?”
“Well, you could have said anything you wanted and then erased the memory of us talking from his mind. You certainly did not have to unleash everything without at least warning me first.”
“Where is the fun in that?”
“Oh my God!” Alice spun around with the intent of leaving the caravan that she discovered that Warren had somehow locked the door, trapping her inside. “Let me out!”
“Not until you have calmed down a little bit.”
Alice could not contain the bitter laugh that bubbled up from her very core. “You expect me to do that with you in the room? You know, the one that has cost me everything.”
“There is gratitude for you.” Warren sat down in his chair and regarded Alice with a critical eye. “I would be the one that has given you every opportunity you needed in life. I brought you here, I make sure you want for nothing, I encourage you to paint, you had a good education, and, I am showing you a world beyond your wildest imagination. The world of dreams.”
“For the first time in my life I had something pure, but you did not let me keep that. Instead, you stole it and now have it hidden God knows where.”
“Jordan is not pure, sweetheart. He is nothing but the enemy and would like nothing more than to see your destruction. This is something that you really need to see and I would like to be the one to open your eyes.”
Alice could think of many things that she should have said to him right at that moment. However, in order to keep her plan alive, she had to bite her tongue. So, instead, she just gave him a shrug. “So you say. Today, though, you have cost me my best friend. Why would you do that?”
“He’s gone?”
“Like you are really surprised. What did you actually expect? Him to be happy with all of the manipulation and lies? Of course, he has gone. I wish I could join him but I don’t want him to meet the same fate as my last travelling companion.”
“You know that would have never happened. Dave is not the enemy.”
She narrowed her eyes. “He still would have been the person taking me away from you. You know that you would not allow anybody to take the power I have away from you.”
He smiled. “At least you seem to be learning something.” Warren indicated the other chair for Alice to sit down on. “Dave would have been easier for me to convince to come home and bring you with him. You would not be able to protect him because he has no power for you to use. Alice, you need somebody to teach you how to use the ability to channel. Once you have mastered that, you will be free to make your own choice. Stay or go.”
It was surprised that made Alice sit down in the chair. “You would let me go?”

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