Ninja writers Academy: Assignment

The assignment this week is about dialogue. The idea was to use a part of your work in progress that highlights dialogue without tags. I would like to know how this reads for everyone as dialogue is something that I struggle with.

I am well aware that this will not make sense without the rest of the story being involved. Sorry! However, it is the state of the dialogue that I am interested in.

Feel free to be as critical as you like 🙂

“Absolutely! It will be good for all of us because it is going to release us from his power. You don’t even know how much you are controlled by so, trust me, you will certainly learn all of the benefits that are going to come your way.” Alice sat down so she was next to him on the floor before she placed her head on his shoulder. “I am not just doing this for me, Dave. I am doing this for everybody.”

He put his arm around her briefly. “I know.”

She narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. “You don’t know the half of it, Dave.”

There was a long pause. “I know a lot more than you think.”

The smile that had graced Alice’s face disappeared. “What do you mean?”

“Well, when Warren came in yesterday and said he wanted to talk to you I didn’t actually leave. I was afraid that he was going to confront you about taking leave from the grounds. I stayed behind to protect you, I suppose, although I am aware that I would not really have been very helpful.”

“It means a lot that you stayed.”

Dave gave her a lopsided smile before he stood up and began pacing the small space. “He didn’t say anything and, probably, I should have gone at that point. The fact is, I was unable to leave because I was intrigued by what he was actually saying.”

“What was he saying?”

“He was wondering if you had triggered something that will make me remember my dreams.”

Alice nearly jumped to her feet, but a certain horror kept her rooted to the ground. “Please tell me that you didn’t ask him to do that for you?”

“I didn’t ask, and was planning to talk to you about it today.”

There was more to the story; Alice just simply knew that. “But?”

Silence descended broken only by the sound of the pairs breathing. The features on Dave’s face twisted as though he was in pain before he could work up the courage to say anything at all. “When you had gone I decided it would be better if I waited for him to leave so that I could follow. I obviously wasn’t as subtle as I thought I was because he found me.”

This time she was on her feet and sweat began pouring from her face. “So, he knows that I spoke to you?”

“No!” Dave crossed to her and placed his hands either side of her face so that their eyes locked. “He assumed that I was there because I suspected that you were closer to him than I wanted you to be. He did not suspect you at all.”

“You’re sure?” He would been able to hear desperation making her tone rise in pitch.

“Definitely. However, because I had listened to him he decided that the best way to explain what was going on would be to make me remember everything. So, at some point during the night, he came in to my dream and told me that he was going to open the floodgates.”

“Why would he do that? What would he possibly achieve?”

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